my last day in france

today was my last day in paris.

my heart is breaking into a million little pieces.

we took our last two finals today, and i was so very pleased with how easy they both were! seriously, i was done with both of them in like a half hour, each. tops.

on my way home from school, i looked up at the hotel de ville. it's one of my very favorite buildings in all of paris. it's just one of those buildings that you look at and you can't look away. it kind of makes you stop breathing for a second. and my eyes teared up. natey and maddie gave me a big sydney-sandwich hug, and they sent me on my way home.

i got to my stop and went into the monoprix by my house. (monoprix is like a slightly fancier version of target and i love the place) where i was supposed to only buy a few little things for my family. but what do you know? i was still feeling pretty sad and ended up accidentally purchasing a dress? i have no idea how it got into my shopping basket.

i swear. retail therapy works wonders, people. and i don't even regret it.

after lugging our GIGANTIC suitcases through the metro, olivia and i got to dr erickson's, where we all met up for a dinner cruise on the seine. it was perfect. we sailed around paris and saw it shimmer.

i know that paris originally got the name "city of lights" from all the gas lamps…but it has done a really fantastic job of living up to that title. everything was just so beautifully illuminated tonight. (and the dinner and company weren't half bad, either!)

after our boat ride, we all walked over to the eiffel tower to see it sparkle one last time. as we were walking to the tower, annie and i remembered our first night in paris. we weren't tired yet, so we decided to go on a walk to the eiffel tower, not knowing that it sparkles on the hour. we were walking through the park when suddenly through the trees, it just started sparkling. it was the most amazing surprise ever. tonight, as we were walking to the tower, it once again started sparkling. we had come full circle. and we unashamedly cried and cried as we walked through the streets of paris. because this place is just amazing.

once we were all under the eiffel tower, we stood in a circle with our arms around each other and spent a good hour sharing all of our favorite memories of our time together. we might be the most precious study abroad group that has ever existed.

i have come to love each and every once of my classmates so much. i can honestly say that each of them has influenced my life in a major way. sound cheesy? well it's true. i honestly don't know what i am going to do without seeing them for five weeks. after spending every day together for three months…you become each other's family. no doubt. i'm going to miss them. more than i even care to think about.

and i'm going to miss paris. i'll be able to see everyone when we're all back in utah. but paris, on the other hand, i won't be able to see again quite as soon. i'll miss everything about it (except for the smell of pee in the metro stations and all of the smoke from the cigarettes). but other than that, i will miss absolutely everything. when i am home and have some time to myself, i am going to write an epic love letter to paris, just so i can remember how much i love this place.

so tomorrow morning i leave paris. it's been the best three months of my life.

i'm so grateful for all that i learned about myself. about france. about french. about culture. about art. about history. about people. about making friends and being a friend. about knowing what's important in life. about the gospel. i wish i could put into words the things i have learned and come to understand. perhaps another night when i don't have to get up in...oh, 3 hours...would be a better night for writing that.

but for now, here's to byu study abroad, fall 2012. here's to the hurlbuts and dr erickson. here's to all of my classmates. here is to my paris family. here is to my real family, who i get to see in just a few hours!! i love you all.

and here's to paris. 

à bientôt. tu me manques déjà. || see you soon. i miss you already.

on coming home

i can't believe i leave paris in 3 days. THREE DAYS. where did this semester go? i really don't get it.

i don't know how you can leave a place like paris. it's kind of terrifying.

but at the same time, it's so exciting. i get to see my family. i get to see america. it's christmas. i can't wait.

at the beginning of the semester, dr h had us read this poem by joachim du bellay. i'm going to post it because it captures exactly what i'm feeling right now.

Heureux qui, comme Ulysse, a fait un beau voyage,
Ou comme cestuy-là qui conquit la toison,
Et puis est retourné, plein d'usage et raison,
Vivre entre ses parents le reste de son âge !

Quand reverrai-je, hélas, de mon petit village
Fumer la cheminée, et en quelle saison
Reverrai-je le clos de ma pauvre maison,
Qui m'est une province, et beaucoup davantage ?

Plus me plaît le séjour qu'ont bâti mes aïeux,
Que des palais Romains le front audacieux,
Plus que le marbre dur me plaît l'ardoise fine :

Plus mon Loir gaulois, que le Tibre latin,
Plus mon petit Liré, que le mont Palatin,
Et plus que l'air marin la doulceur angevine.

-Les Regrets, sonnet XXXI, 1558

now, i realize most of you won't understand what it's saying. but it is so beautiful. it's talking about (in very basic terms) how like ulysses, who has traveled the world, how is he supposed to return home after all that he has seen?

but at the same time, he has never seen anything more beautiful than his little hometown, with the black slate roof tops and smoke coming from the chimneys. it is such a comfort to him, and there is nothing like coming home.

i can't wait to go home. to see the vineyards and the green palisades and my family, all waiting for me with open arms.

t-minus 3 days, guys :)